My Friend the Friar
A podcast where we learn about our faith and share what it takes to live a Catholic Christian life through conversations and contemplations with my friend the friar, a Discalced Carmelite Priest.
My Friend the Friar
Fatherhood and Legacy with Anthony Alexander
In this episode, John is joined by Anthony Alexander for a heartfelt conversation about fatherhood. Navigating blended families and past relationships can be a minefield, and Anthony candidly shares his experiences with these challenges. They talk about the emotional intricacies and personal growth required to maintain respectful relationships with former partners, while offering consistent love and support to all children.
They also touch on the Theology of the Body, reflecting on the sacredness of our existence and relationships. The episode wraps up with a thought-provoking discussion on how genuine connections and divine love can guide us in navigating love and relationships with God and others. Tune in for profound reflections and practical wisdom that will resonate deeply with anyone on the path of fatherhood and personal growth.
Anthony's Clothing Brand
Croquet by Anthony Alexander
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Welcome to the my Friend the Friar podcast and thanks for listening. If you like my Friend the Friar and want to support us, please consider subscribing or following us. If you haven't already done so, and if you found us on YouTube, then don't forget to click the notification bell when you subscribe so you'll be notified of new episodes when they release. Thanks again and God bless. See if that's working. I feel like mine kind of fell down a little bit. Yep, good enough. What do they say? They fix it in post-production, all right, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for joining me and my friend Anthony.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Not the friar.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anthony Alexander, all right, father Stephen's busy. He's traveling. I think he's in Missouri right now. Anyway, I can't keep track of him. Yeah, he's super busy. What do friars do? Do they friar? What's the verb for evangelize, preaching? I don't know what he's doing. He's off doing something right. So Anthony here is joining me. Nobody knows who you are, so I don't know. Real quick, you want to say something about yourself. Help us know who you are.
Speaker 2:I'm just a man from around the way. You feel me Not too much to know. I'm from Texas, Dallas to be exact Clothing brand. I'm dedicated to the loss of my son. Basically, he passed back in 08 due to a heart complication. So when he passed I was kind of stuck with the hurt and the pain of trying to figure out exactly what to do with all that emotion that I had pertaining to his death. So, yeah, I just decided to look deeper into his death and kind of figure out what it meant to me and how could I take the pain to kind of help me move forward in life without blaming God, as I did in the beginning. But I quickly learned that God gave me I wouldn't say gave me, he allowed it to happen for a reason.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean so in doing that, I was able to take a lesson from it, and ever since then I've just been trying to grind and hustle to make his memory last forever yeah, you know I mean so and that's, and that's what we're talking about today is fatherhood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's going to be our big topic. Um man, what's cool is because you and I've been friends for yeah a minute. Now it's been a while, so it's kind of sometimes we, we do this icebreaker. So how good is your which obviously you don't need because we know each other but uh, just for fun, how good, how good's your country voice, like, if you're gonna do like a redneck kind of my country voice.
Speaker 2:Uh, you have a pretty good one like way back there you know what? I don't know. I think I have a good country, southern I don't want to use the word, you know, slang country.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, you feel me, yeah, so the reason I ask is Betty does so. She had this question. Who is the angel of the Lord?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And for some reason she was asking it and she kind of got on this kick and so she would just keep saying it over and over, but then it turned into a country accent so she's like who is the angel of the load? So a lot of times we just have people ask who is the angel of the Lord?
Speaker 2:in a country accent. No, I got you, you got it. You want to give a shot? Yeah, say it again. Whose way?
Speaker 1:Who is the angel of the Lord? It's like load. Who is the angel of the load?
Speaker 2:load. Who is angel of the load?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I can't do in the country accent.
Speaker 2:It's got to be like my accent, you know. Go for it. Go for it, yo. Who, the angel of the lord, you feel me? It's like you had no syllables, just you're running it on just run it through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, run it through.
Speaker 2:That's funny take your time don't make betty laugh.
Speaker 1:That's good um cool. What was your son's name? It was.
Speaker 2:What is sorry is it was anthony alexander roberts, so my real last name was roberts. Um, I don't know. My father never seen him, never talked to him. So when my son was born I wanted a, a name that kind of to me stuck out. I'm a fan of the romanistic era mythology. So, with that being said, not saying alexander the greatest part of that, but he definitely is in that era, you know I mean. So I wanted my son's name to be something I could be proud of, that I loved and that I can just, you know, have fun with. So I took his middle name and named it alexander. But when he passed, I wanted my children born after him to have a name that would keep his memory alive. So I changed my last name to Alexander. You know what I mean. So it all really came from him. His middle name was Alexander and I changed my last name once he passed to Alexander.
Speaker 1:So my kids would have you know the last name as well Nice, okay, and you have other kids. What are their names?
Speaker 2:We have William Isaiah Alexander uh, italy's Elizabeth Alexander and Anthony Langston Alexander.
Speaker 1:So that's how many?
Speaker 2:three boys, three no two boys.
Speaker 1:Well with Anthony Roberts past three boys, one girl, oh nice, and Italy's is about to turn one, yeah, one on Monday, yeah Tomorrow.
Speaker 2:That's so awesome.
Speaker 1:That's crazy's crazy, though, man, how fast time goes it is um, what's your favorite thing about her so far? Because, I mean, surprisingly, you got a lot of personality before you hit one years old.
Speaker 2:You know that's it, though her personality. I think it's a mixture of me and heidi together and the faces that she makes like whenever I look at her. I don't know who it of me and heidi together and the faces that she makes like whenever I look at her. I don't know who it is, me or heidi. You know I mean so when?
Speaker 2:I look and I'm like, I'm like, yo, what did you get this from? From seeing her come out as a baby. And you know you question that like I wonder, when you become a certain age, like who would you take more after your mother of me? Yeah you know, I mean. So I think low key, I think it's me yeah you know, I mean, I think her attitude is more of mine, but I think her, her sassiness, of course, is heidi, you feel me, I don't own that yeah, yeah, yeah, you're pretty, you're pretty mellow yeah, well, I mean at times right
Speaker 1:we all have those moments where we kind of light up, yeah, right. Yeah, so with fatherhood, before we get into that. So I find you to be a very reasonable person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:And so I've been actually in my prayer and my study a lot lately. I've been kind of investigating and contemplating reason and I don't know what it was that. You know, I heard somebody probably on another podcast saying something about it and it really kind of stuck in my brain and so I want to kind of lay this down first, because I think it's the framework that we can then talk about fatherhood. Yeah Right, okay, so there's three types of reason, and there's probably more, but there's three types of reason, um, and there's probably more, but there's three at least that we're going to look at. Uh, one of them deductive reasoning. Well, before I get into this, um, the thing to keep in mind is that everybody's reason.
Speaker 1:You can get to the wrong conclusion no matter what you have sound logic, everything lines up, but you can still get to the wrong conclusion. But that doesn't mean it was a bad mental exercise, no right, okay. So deductive reasoning is kind of like hypothesis examination conclusion a equals b, b equals. Or if a equals b and b equals c, then a equals c, yeah, right, because you kind of get to that, that train, so, um, so I wrote this down, so I don't. I don't mess it up, because I'm still learning it. So so we've got all these logical components, and these logical components bring us to this logical conclusion. But I'm going to show you how, where it makes sense, if a equals b and b equals c, then a equals C as well, and how we can get something wrong. So if A is humans, okay, and B is Anthony, and so then if all humans are named Anthony and Anthony is your name, then you're a human right, but the problem is my name's, not Anthony, yeah, so am I not?
Speaker 1:a human Right, but the problem is my name's not Anthony. Yeah, so am I not a human Right? So it's like it makes sense, but you got to the wrong conclusion even though the logic made sense.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, and so we can think of this fatherhood too, right. Like all, fathers have children.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You have children. You're a father yeah Right, so it makes sense in that way. You're a father no right, so it makes sense in that way. But we also know um kind of like what you're hitting at with with your father. Yeah, there's a difference between being a biological father like I made a child and being a father. Yeah, right. So even in this case, where it made sense, it's still. There's something deeper yeah there, right.
Speaker 1:Second kind of reasoning inductive. So you're basically taking like a broad generalization of information, right, and you're trying to come to a conclusion. So let's say we're having the same conversation, we're at a men's conference or something for fathers, okay, and you see, everyone in the audience is a dad, and so you might assume that all men are fathers, but not all men are fathers. It's just in that instance, in that case, where we are, the data suggests that all men are fathers. You know, you can even go out in the parking lot and you find you know a man who's not a father, kind of thing. It's just where we were, where we are. In that instance, the data that we have, the information we have, leads us to a certain conclusion, but it could be false, okay. Last one is abductive reasoning and it's kind of like inductive. But you're kind of moving with incomplete data, incomplete observations, and you're trying to get to what's the most likely thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay. So give you a scenario. Let's say you walk outside, right, and the grass is wet first thing in the morning. Okay, you might conclude. Okay, the water sprinklers ran overnight, yeah, okay, if you look at your neighbor's yard and their grass is wet too, maybe their sprinklers ran overnight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, if you look at your neighbor's yard and their grass is wet too, maybe their sprinklers ran too, right yeah or maybe something else happened and you look at the driveway driveway's wet, the streets are wet, the trees are wet, the rooftops wet, yeah, so do you think the sprinklers went off or it rained? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, so the more information you get, yeah you start to kind of put together what really happened, but, like in that case, you still can't be 100 sure. Because, like what if a fire truck drove by and it had a leaky valve and it sprayed water all over the the street?
Speaker 1:yeah, you know, I mean like whatever like you still never truly know, but you can get to a point of confidence in what you know. Yeah, right, so, um, so you can't just rely on the one thing, and I think that's what a lot of people do. A lot of times and I was having this conversation with my buddy, chris, the other day too People want that one thing. Yeah, that's like show me the one thing that's going to convince me of something one thing that's going to convince me of something.
Speaker 1:Well, that's like the A to B to C, like show me one thing, but that one's really easy to make wrong. But if you get all the bits of information, you might be able to start putting together something that is reasonably believable or true, that you can kind of build your life on.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Or your understanding of a moment or people or whatever. So you can't build your life on right, or your understanding of a moment or people or whatever, right, so you can't. The trick is you can't. You can't be so settled, I guess, that you're unwilling to to contemplate other perspectives or, more sorry, you can't be, yeah, so settled that you're not willing to take in more information and expand your thought, but you can't be, so you can't be so unsettled that anything that changes everything falls apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right. So you have to kind of find that sweet spot. So that's the trick. So all of that kind of builds on the foundation of why I think you're such a reasonable person. Yeah, because there are a lot of people out there who are a to b to c, no um, and that's either just kind of the way their mind works or their life experiences, like they haven't had a huge variety of experiences that have helped them to understand yeah what things are. But that's not you man like you've got a lot of experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I appreciate that man, that's peace you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so well it without all the data, it's like how are you supposed to know? Yeah, yeah, you've got a lot of experience. Yeah, I appreciate that man. That's peace. You know what I mean, yeah, so well.
Speaker 1:Without all the data it's like how are you supposed to know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so, with all that I don't know like, what do you think makes a father a father?
Speaker 2:Man.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I think I've been asking myself that question for a while now, and I think it's because of my situation and I think that, growing up in a broken home for one, I never truly understood what a father really was. I had a stepfather, right, but my stepfather had secrets too that I never knew about. I remember going inside the closet one day and seeing a present wrapped and when I pulled it out the closet it had a name little jerry, and that's my father's, my stepfather's name, right when I would go to church with him, people would say, hey, is that little jerry? And I'm like little jerry. Oh, did you send him because I'm a junior? Maybe because I'm just, you know, like I'm brushing it off, or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, come to find out he had a uh son from a previous relationship and in my family we had a lot of secrets, so I didn't even know that he wasn't my real dad. So I was like 13 years old, you know I mean so, going through life, I never really paid attention, um to like I don't know how to explain it the bond that me and him had. I just had a lot of resentment of every situation that my family had going on, so I never paid attention to anything outside of. I can't wait to get out of here, you know I mean. So when I turned 15 I was gone. After that I think I just started making my own conclusions in my head about everything, like you said before in life, because of my experience. Um. So when I had my first child I had it out of wedlock and in doing it I didn't know exactly the complications that will come with it, you know I mean. But unfortunately he passed and um with that hurt me and his mother experience.
Speaker 2:It was more like yo, if we try it again, do you think that would bring us closer together? Which was stupid. I mean, now that I look back at I was 20, 28 at the time and I'm like yo, let's do it again. But then again I didn't understand why. Or you know, like what am I doing this for with you? We're not married, we're not in any, even in the relationship. I guess we're doing it to kind of ease some pain and kind of see how would this one come out. And in doing it I brought a child inside the world, broken already because of the home not being unified. So I think through it at least I can finally kind of have that. I wouldn wouldn't say closure, but begin that conversation with myself about what really is a father, because now I have her in the home with me every day. I can look at her, I can pick her up, I can you know when she cries. Yo try to figure out what's wrong with her. You know what I mean. So I think now I'm on that journey Exactly what is a father?
Speaker 2:And for right now, what I believe a father is is just someone who is, I don't know man. It's like you're not willing to give up on the idea of making sure that you have this child's best interests from the time that they're in this world until the time they're on their own, outside of your reach. You know what I mean. I have to be the better person for myself. Every day when I wake up, I need to be the better version. So I need to keep learning more about myself so that I can then teach this little person when they're navigating through life, like how to maintain emotions, how to look out for the snakes in the grass and excuse my you know talk. It's just like my other side coming out.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, but, um, like I said, I'm still on that journey, trying to figure out that question. And, um, I mean I I wouldn't say that I'm I don't use the wrong word I'm not regretful of the decisions I made, um, because of my children. I mean, I love all of them. I think I just wish I would have done it right so that they wouldn't have to be brought up in the home where the father is not present, right. And I think that, to me, is where, when she was born, I was able to have that conversation with myself, because even with the children living outside the home, I always had to doubt like man, I messed up, I'm not a good father. If I was a good father, I would be with the mother and I would be there with them every day. I'll be able to go to every football game, every basketball game, go to every school recreational activity when needed. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So I think that made me doubt myself in a lot of ways, having, you know, those situations outside of home yeah but, um, she's brought a whole new aspect to me, um, since she's been born, and um, yeah, man, I think I'm having a conversation with myself right now I think that's the whole point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's it, yeah, that's, but that's that's really interesting. And again, this goes back to why I think you're such a reasonable person because, you're as you're, you're diving deeply into this with Idelis. You're like, well, wait, what does that mean about me as a father for my other children? But if I don't find you to be the kind of person who just goes, yeah, I don't know, and just kind of move on right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no so.
Speaker 1:Idelis is probably going to change how you are a father to your other children. Yeah right, going to change how you are a father to your other children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, and how can I find a way that I can love them and provide for them and be there for them? But it's different, right? Yeah, because you and Heidi are married. So there is this new entity in the marriage that demands a certain degree of I don't know respect, a certain degree of I don't know respect, and there are things that are unique to that, which are not there with your other children's mothers. Yeah, right, and so you have to figure out how to navigate that and still be there for them and still have the children understand that we're family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's messy and it's complicated yeah, it is.
Speaker 2:It's very complicated because a lot of the times there's a lot of envious and jealousy in it. Right, because of the mothers. I'm not saying that they're jealous, oh, he moved on and this and this and this. I think it's more like this is why god kind of told us, you know, like or not to have sex before marriage, because I don't think we realize the damage that it causes each other and the children at the time. I think in the moment of you know just what they call it passion less, whatever you're doing whatever and you're not really thinking about the consequences. So a lot of the times now for me personally, the mothers are still seeing me as that old Anthony, like they don't see the new Anthony that Heidi has, like even though I still mess up. When they look at me it's more like oh, he's just that, still who I met back then and that's translating to the child, kind of you know what I mean and I'll be open, like I don't believe in hide anything.
Speaker 2:So my son William, and his mother I believe that's what's going on right now like I was kept from him the first three years of his life, basically, you know, I mean, when he was born, um, she had me going through this whole court situation to where it kind of and I'm not gonna lie at the point made me want to give up, because when anthony was, which is, it's a get kind of confusing. So let me try to break it down. So it's not right. Um, we're not talking about the Anthony. That passed. My other two sons were born two months apart.
Speaker 2:And at this time of my life I was like man living it up in all the wrong ways and I was moving real fast and I'm not caring about anything in life, just really on this, you know, road to destruction because of the pain that I felt because of anthony, uh, alexander the past, you know I mean so when I had, um, those two, anthony langston and his mother, were cool. We're like best friends, you know what I mean. That's like, well, I wouldn't say best friends. I would say that then we were best friends. Now we just have this very strong respect for one another because of the fact that we have this child together. But the other mother is totally different. You know what I mean. She is more like I hate you. I don't think you understand the issues you put me through and what I realized is that before me she had relationship issues that I then contributed to you, played into it.
Speaker 2:Played into it, right. So it's not really me that she's mad at. She's really mad at, I wouldn't say herself, but she's kind of mad at the whole situation. I am again with x, y and z. You know, I mean, how did I do this? Oh, you know what it's him, and I think she, she, she never knew me well enough to really understand who I was as a person yeah like you said before, you know me.
Speaker 2:So when you look at me you have this whole depiction of who I am as a character with her and it makes me sound so bad when I say this. But I'm not, you know. I mean it was like one of those god forgive me, it's like a one night stand type situation and I think that's what I had to realize. Like you know what this individual, when she's, when she's, you know, coming at me in all different ways, attitude wise, um, just going off on me, it's not really me, because she doesn't really know me yeah, you know, I mean I'm trying to get to her to understand.
Speaker 2:Like yo, we can work together to raise this child, but with her it's more like I don't want that with you yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 1:You kind of become this embodiment of all the things that she's angry exactly you know I mean.
Speaker 2:So it took me a while to understand that, because before I would feed into it like you know what, forget it, I give up. You know, I mean it shouldn't be this hard. And I'm comparing my relationship with her to the mother of Anthony Langston and I'm like why can't it be like that? And if it's not, this is not healthy for me, which is stupid for me to think like that anyway.
Speaker 2:But over the years it's made me more tougher and resilient toward um, that situation as and you know what I'm not going to give up no matter how it looks. You know what I mean. So I think along the way a lot of it kind of helped put things in perspective. So when I talk to young, you know men, now it's more like yo, you got to be careful of one who you entangle yourself with. You got to be careful when you are, you know, in this world, you know laying up with people. You know what I mean. Like I tell them this is why God gave us the I wouldn't say commandment, but the advice of not to, you know, sleep around before marriage because it does cause so much. I mean. You know strife within the kid's life, everybody, when it's broken. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a couple things kind of spring to my mind when you're saying this. I've heard this saying that comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah, so when you start comparing different people, different situations, it'll rob you of what is present that you could have right.
Speaker 1:So that kind of came to my mind. The other thing I'm thinking of is how it's interesting. So the law thinking secularly, like I don't know, speed limit signs or whatever right, the law of our country is there. You can kind of think of it, somebody with a stronger will or authority imposing things on you, right? So, yeah, you want to drive your car, that's fine. Just don't drive over the speed limit or else there's consequences. Exactly Right. So but how that differs from God's law? Yeah, because God's law, right where he says you get married, you become one. Yeah, his law is there to encourage you to flourish in life.
Speaker 1:So instead of just saying no, don't do these things, like God, he's such a gentleman, right? He's like go do what you want to do, that's fine. There's consequences, though, but the consequences are it's life or death right. So you can go do whatever you want that's going to lead to death in some way, shape or form. Or here's law and you can do your best to follow it, and the more you grapple with this over the course of your life, the more you're going to grow and thrive yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, and just imagine man. Just imagine what it would be like all those families out there if all the couples were still married, yeah, yeah, out there if, if they were all, all the couples were still married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean that I. I have that thought sometimes and I think about what the world will look like. You know, I mean. But then I snap back in reality and it's more like, as long as we have evil and good, I mean it. It's. Yeah, you gotta marry bad people too.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, you know I mean, but it never and I hate to sound so like negative, but it's like it never marry bad people too, yeah yeah, you know I mean, but it never and I hate to sound so like negative, but it's like it never will change and I think the best that we can do is educate people or encourage people as we continue to grow and try to, you know, save as many as we can to keep from going down that road. Yeah, letting them know like this does really damage the kid, because even growing up I was damaged which I didn't even know until I went to counseling the effects that my broken home had on me. You know I mean, and, um, I would never want that for my children, but I understand now the challenge in it, um, exactly again why god gave us, you know, as you say, the law.
Speaker 1:You know I mean to go by and it's like man, I wish I would have listened a little bit a little bit more well and and but the the flip side of this too, which I I also think is really kind of interesting, the fact that you didn't listen yeah and now you carry this with you, right? Uh, when? When jesus came back to life, right after the crucifixion, when he, after the resurrection, when he presented himself to the apostles yeah, you know, you're like doubting Thomas.
Speaker 1:He's like I won't believe until I put my fingers in the hole in his hand and his side right, like I don't believe until I see it right. So when Jesus after his resurrection, he still had the wounds. Yeah, and I think there's something very deeply there to contemplate is his wounds were redemptive for other people. It brought Thomas into belief because he could see the pain or he could experience the wound caused by the crucifixion. Right, and so thinking now about our lives, right, it's the guy who goes to prison and gets out of prison and says you don't want to do that, brother.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're going to listen to him because he's been there, exactly Right. The guy who's the addict, who's saying you don't want to try that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You're going to listen to him, yeah, so our wounds become redemptive to other people too. I think, as really crappy as it is right how things play out I mean, I can say the same thing in my life too the bad choices that I've made that have hurt people are like the holes in my hands and the hole in my side from the crucifixion. They're the things that have been redeemed. My pain has been redeemed enough to where I can go and help other people not do that, or if they've done it, I can help them through it. So I think it's something.
Speaker 2:It's a hard medicine to swallow, but I think there's something there to really think of it is because, I mean, every negative situation has a positive, positive and I think we have to be willing to go through and find that positive. So, even though sometimes I don't like the burn and the headache and and the worries that come with it, yeah, um, as you say, it's still my story, you know. I mean my story definitely can help other individuals from not going down the same road. But yeah, that's peace, man. I agree with you saying so we had a.
Speaker 1:this is something new that I've been hearing about, and I think this is something kind of interesting too, because I think it goes to what you've been describing as father and marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right how the two are very closely related. Yeah, and so we had a Pope a couple Popes ago, pope John Paul II. Yeah, you said a couple Popes ago, yeah, yeah, a couple Popes ago, yeah, saint Pope John Paul II. He wrote this and I want to go get the document and actually read it, cause I hear a lot of teaching about it. But he, the thing he wrote was the theology of the body, and so the document speaks to the sacredness and the holiness of our, our bodies, like who we are. We're not just a soul, like trapped in a body that we're like controlling, like a robot or something.
Speaker 1:We're not just our bodies. We're both right, and with that comes the differences, the beautiful complimentary differences between man and woman. Sex, all that stuff all plays a part of it, because who we are as creatures, right. So I was listening to this guy talking about it and he was specifically talking about the, the theology of a man's body, and as he was saying this I was like what, like mind blown. I'd never thought of this before yeah right.
Speaker 1:So you know how, like all, all the words we use have some kind of ancient root word like that it comes from right, okay, uh, have you ever thought of what the root word for testicle is? No, Never. Like why would anybody think of that?
Speaker 2:right.
Speaker 1:But anyway. So he starts talking about it and I'm like, wait, what? What? Whoa mind blown, right. So the root part is test, right. You're like, okay, so what's the root word of that mean? So it comes from some old Latin word, yeah, and what that word to test means is when they would melt like metal ore, they would pour them in these little clay pots and they'd see how the metal would settle. Yeah, or the liquid, I guess it's all molten right. So they would see if it would settle, because they were testing it to see if there's anything valuable in it gold, silver stuff like that Okay.
Speaker 1:so that's cool. So now, to test something means you're looking for something, but it's not just you're looking for something that the result testifies to something, right. So it speaks to something. It speaks, in this case, that there's something valuable in this thing, okay. Speaks to something. Speaks, in this case, that there's something valuable in this thing, okay. So, more interestingly than that, then when the church was putting together the Old and New Testaments of the Bible Testaments, yeah so there's that word again.
Speaker 1:So that word testament testamentum, it doesn't talk to it doesn't necessarily just mean like I'm testifying to something, I am bearing witness to something. It also means they used it to replace the Greek word for covenant yeah, so it is a covenant and a covenant. So the difference between, like a contract and a covenant, okay, is if you and I had a contract together and we're agreeing for an exchange of goods or services, for money or something, you make a cool shirt. I have a contract with you. I'm going to buy 500 shirts and I'm going to give you this much money, but they've got to be good quality, right kind of thing. Got to be good quality, yeah, right, kind of thing. That's a contract, yeah, a covenant instead is an exchange of peoples. So a marriage is not a contract, it's a covenant.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a we belong to one another now, yeah, there's no separating this thing. And so all of that then goes to the root word of our male genitals. It is a testament, it is the thing that testifies to where you come from. It's who you belong to. Comes from this place, yeah, to comes from this place, yeah, and that is supposed to be, in the Christian view at least, intimately tied to marriage, yeah. So we have this covenant that forms and in this covenant we have life.
Speaker 1:Comes from it, right, and that life that comes from it testifies back to our covenant, comes from it, testifies back to our covenant, and our marriage is a sign of jesus and god's love for his people. So all of those things bringing life, that that's the first commandment god gives. He makes adam and eve and he says go, be fruitful and multiply yeah, right. So all of the all of that, god speaks back to this covenant, this testifying, this witnessing to our relationship with our spouses. So having children, relationship with spouse, relationship with Christ, relationship with God as his people, as his creation, stuff like that. And just thinking about all that, when this guy was talking, I was like what the heck? But it shows that they had a very deep understanding when they chose that word for that body part yeah yeah, right, there they're.
Speaker 1:Like there is something here that you should understand. Anyway, I don't know like it seemed relevant to the kind of thing we're going to talk about today I just wanted to kind of share it and just see what yeah, kind of what you think yo, man, I mean, honestly, I never thought I thought on the lines of anything that deep.
Speaker 2:I mean, from listening to you, I'm like yo, I understand it. Yeah, it makes sense. And I'm like man, okay, you taught me something new today. Yeah, like it's crazy. Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1:And it even kind of shows that deep connection with bringing life, having children, to God too. In Psalm 139, it says it says For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am wondrously made.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So just even God, so intimately, knows us that in that moment of conception that covenant is present.
Speaker 2:That's something to think about. That's for real. I'm going to take that with me and ponder on that Like yo. That was deep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's something right. There's definitely things there to think of and, you know, I think there's a how I say I like that you said earlier. When you talk to young men, you try and caution them about certain things and I think a lot of times our world, we will do things such as um, how do I live, how do I encourage you or encourage myself to live a life that is like good enough?
Speaker 1:yeah like I'm gonna stay out of. Like you know you do what you think, just don't get. Don't get caught up in the law, right? So like do your thing up to that line yeah we're, you know, get away with what you can get away with, just don't cross it yeah and that's kind of a very different thought than teaching someone to pursue virtue.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and I think that's to me that's the most important thing.
Speaker 2:I tell a lot of young men like, don't waste time.
Speaker 2:If I would have listened to a lot of older people when I was younger explain some of the things to me that how they did, I would be I wouldn't say more far ahead than what I am right now, but I would have saved myself a lot of hurt and pain. You know what I mean. It's like I tell them all the time don't worry about you, know, um, don't worry about worldly things, don't worry about the women, don't worry about the money. Focus on who you are, your purpose in life, what is your purpose. When you focus on that, everything else will come and you will know that it's meant to be. And my mom told me one thing I'll never forget, because when I was growing up as you already know I was I was bad, yeah, and my first car I ever had was a Lexus at 19. And when I brought it home she said you know you think you, you think you hot stuff, don't you? And I'm like you know I do what I do and she was like.
Speaker 2:Well, if it's a blessing from God, he'll make it to where you'll always be able to keep it, and if it's from the devil, he'll make it to where it's always going to go, and you have to do things to keep getting it back you know I mean like you will lose this, but you got to get it back and that ambition and that drive in you is coming from him and I try to explain that to young men like yo.
Speaker 2:Understand your spirit, understand exactly who you are in this world, because now they have social media, um depicting um what it means to be a man. You know I mean in order to get this, get this, you have to have this house, this car, this is so they're chasing material things yeah and it's kind of like yo, that's not really gonna make you happy.
Speaker 2:If you do get this audi a8, they're gonna come out with another one two years later. You're gonna want that one, right? If they come out with this pair of gucci shoes, they're gonna come out another pair next year and you're gonna want that. You're constantly chasing things that really don't matter you know, I mean like love, you figure out you are and just focus on that aspect and just yo grow within yourself. I mean we have more conversation than that, but it's like the easiest way to break it down.
Speaker 1:You know, what's sad, too, is because I often tell people, when I can, a little off topic. I'm a super feminist in the way that I sense that I mean that what it is to be a woman calls men to their highest calling.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, you think of the old fairytale kind of stories, right, like somebody's buddy gets kidnapped by the dragon. They don't go save him. They're like sorry bud, yeah, it didn't work out for you. The princess is in the tower. Yeah, they go to war to go save the princess, yeah, right. So there's like something about woman that calls men to their kind of greatness. Yeah, and with all the social media stuff, yeah, you know, cars, the women. Women have to look a certain way, have to act a certain way, have to be a certain way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, so it's calling us down into this kind of base level of being that there's nothing virtuous about it, and I think, unfortunately, because we all have such a desire to be loved and to love and to be known, and that intimacy. It just turns into this downward snowball of things where men are. They're not just chasing cars, they're chasing women, and the women want to be chased, so they're doing whatever to themselves to to be more like exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's one thing about Heidi that that stood out, because I live in downtown for like 10 years and living in downtown you come across a lot of different situations, a lot of different women and people, and I've never known anyone outside of my maybe my grandmother that wanted my spirit to be saved more than Heidi. Like when I was around my friends, they didn't care about what I was going to have in hell. All they cared about is what are we doing now? What's the next lick, how can you get us to this next stage of life and how can we accomplish more and more and more? And on the inside, I'm going through it.
Speaker 2:No one knew like what I'm going through. As far as your depression, I have everything I need like and more. I mean I wasn't rich but I could do whatever I wanted to do in that time and get up. And when I met Heidi, it I could do whatever I wanted to do in that time and get up. And when I met Heidi, it was more like but are you happy? And I never understood happiness in that moment.
Speaker 1:I mean I guess We've talked about that before you and me like the difference between happiness and joy.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. So I'm like I guess I am, I could do whatever I want, like I'm not hurting for anything. And she's like, yeah, you go. You know, I mean not knowing. That conversation would then lead me to like you know what? I've never met anyone like you, like you have my best interest and I tell every man that when you find that woman that has your best interest and she is concerned with where your soul will desire once you leave this earth, that's who you want to be with. That's the person's gonna hold you down as we quote unquote stay in the streets. That's to hold you down to the T because she won't let you be what you want to be. She's going to challenge you in every area to make you a better you. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not so much a pursuit of what you want to be, but who you're meant to be Exactly.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, so that's what I try to convey to anyone that comes to me. Like yo, my wife not going to lie. Sometimes yo, she do get on my nerve, but when I go back and I sit down I think about what she says, like you know what she's right, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hate that. You know what I mean. Yeah, you feel me Like, yeah, why'd you have to go and say that? Yeah, you know what I mean. But yeah, man, to me is, most of the time our relationships, our worldly relationships, influence how we interact with God. Yeah, when it should be the other way around. God should, sorry, influence how we interact with one another. Yeah, right, so if I have a bad relationship with my father, I might have a bad relationship with my spiritual father. Yeah, because it's through my bad relationship or good relationship or whatever, that I try to understand God, when instead I should be looking at my worldly father going and how do I be a son to him, like I'm a son to God the Father? How do I be, how do I love you the way I love God the Father? Right, so we've always got it in reverse. Yeah, got it in reverse. Yeah, so, thinking about that, you know how do you think.
Speaker 1:So let's say let's, let's be hypothetical yeah how does anthony dad, how do you be a dad that's informed by how god is your father like? How do you with with your children, with your spouse, with Heidi like, how do you approach that starting from God out versus from them back to God?
Speaker 2:You know what, and I think if I answer this question wrong, just forgive me.
Speaker 1:No, man, just use your imagination Like what do you think?
Speaker 2:I think I understand the question and I think I'm going to answer it in the way that I know best. I think I understand the question and I think I'm going to answer it in the way that I know best To me.
Speaker 2:God is love and when I look at anybody in the world, that's what I see. You know what I mean. So when I look at you and I approach you, you can do. I don't have expectations of people. Once I learn who you are and you show me who you are as a person, I take that and I try to understand, like yo, you gonna do what you do and I love you. From that standpoint, I won't give you the room to hurt me.
Speaker 2:But God is love and, with that being said, whatever you do as my son, as my wife, as my mother, it's not saying that I won't, I won't take it to heart, but I'll forgive you, no matter what the situation is, because, no matter what, it's, like yo, you you're my family and God didn't give up on me and I'm not going to give up on you. You know what I mean. So that's how I really approach a lot of people in my life. But I have a small circle. I've narrowed it down towards, like you know what, if I can live without you and you're not serving a purpose in my life, then so be it.
Speaker 2:So, right now, I only have really like three people as males that I talk to you my friend CJ, which is like my solid man, and my brother, uh, sam, and then Heidi as my wife. Other than that, my family and that's where my biggest struggle comes from is because my family, all women and they all have male issues and it's like man. It's taken life out of me in trying to be there for them, as you know, family, and I take a step back to realize like, but you know what my wife needs me more than that and that energy that I'm putting toward them. I got to redirect that to her and now my children. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So the way.
Speaker 2:I was able to do. That was more like you know what. No matter what y'all do, I've made up in my mind that you are my mother, you are my sister and I know the pain and the things you went through in life and I know what makes you who you are. There's nothing you can do that can hurt me. You know what I mean. So, with that being said, whenever you want to talk to me, you call me. I'm not going to require you to call me every day. If you do something that you know to other people may be hurtful to me, I'm more realistic. I have that eye like yo, but that's her. I expected that from her.
Speaker 2:You know, what I mean. If that makes any sense, I don't know.
Speaker 1:No, no, yeah, it's good, because we have this really sobering realization that we are not God.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Or we are not Jesus. We are called to be like that yes, exactly, but no matter what we do, you can be the most holy person in the world and you're nowhere close, Exactly. And so how do we love people and protect ourselves? Yeah Right, how people and protect ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, how do we put that little bit of a distance and say I'm going to love you, but I'm going to love you over there? Yeah, right, and I'm not going to allow you to hurt me. Yeah, I'm going to. But, yeah, protecting yourself, protecting your family, right, because you do kind of have to build up the walls and have some kind of bubble around your family. This is my wife, this what comes in and out it was definitely. But that doesn't mean I don't love you.
Speaker 2:Exactly Right Because.
Speaker 1:Jesus man, you could be the worst person in the world like the worst possible thing you can think of and you're the one he's up on that cross for yeah, he's like no, I love you enough to do this.
Speaker 1:Right, and so it's so heroic. It's something that I think, for men at least, like we're like oh yeah, I could, I could do that, I could do that, and then, when it comes down to it, we're like I'm a coward, you know, like I don't know how, or whatever right. So yeah, man, that's, that's really interesting, so okay. So if there was one of my favorite things about doing a podcast is like this stuff, it'll be there forever yeah.
Speaker 1:so one of these days you're gonna be long gone, I'm gonna be long gone. Maybe my grandkids will hear this, or something like this. Right, so there's something you could say to all your kids, either individually or to them as a group, like what would be the one thing you would want them to know more than anything else? Man?
Speaker 2:You know what? I would definitely say that, no matter how you view life, you're not a mistake. God has put you here for a purpose. No matter what you believe, no matter what you hear, and as long as you pursue loving yourself, knowing yourself and just trying to figure out your purpose in life, everything else would take care of itself. You know what I mean. That's one thing I want more for my children, more than anything, is to grow up knowing that they're much more than what society will depict them to be. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like yo, you're much more than just I don't know what words to use without making anyone feel any type of way but just to know that there is something inside of you that, if you dig deep enough inside yo, you're going to change the perspective of so many people, because, for one, you come from me right, but yeah you come from me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But no, really like just man. Follow your heart and the journey is beautiful. It's a beautiful ride, full of pain, man. Follow your heart and the journey is beautiful. It's a beautiful ride, Full of pain, man, Full of joy. You know it can be hell sometimes. You know what I mean, but it be all right.
Speaker 1:It be all right you feel me I do. All right, man, this has been great.
Speaker 2:Thanks for this, that's right.
Speaker 1:Everyone who joined us. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you next time. God bless Peace.
